Being new at the party can be a lonely feeling

October 22, 2007

Bonnie and Ricardo Forbes and County Commissioner Katy Sorenson at the Chamber South gala. Thanks to All Star Event Photography

The annual Chamber South Compass Gala was Saturday night at Signature Gardens, and I’m always reminded of my first such event a dozen years ago.

I was new to my own business, new to the chamber, and knew nobody. My wife and I were an afterthought at the affair – at the Biltmore that year. We were stuck in a far corner, and there was only one other couple at our table with 10 chairs. Needless to say, it was an uncomfortable experience.

Now it’s different, of course. I’m a familiar face after all these years of networking and we know many people in the room. We again sat in a corner this year, but this time it was at Table One, the Baptist Health table, at the invitation of Ricardo Forbes, past chairman of Chamber South. Ricardo, a vice president at Baptist Hospital, went to Queens College in New York, where my wife Barbara also graduated.

It was a nice party, the first for Mary Scott Russell, new chamber president. Bob Gallaher replaced Phil Lyons as the chamber chairman, with County Commissioner Katy Sorenson doing the installation. Cutler Bay Mayor Paul Vrooman won the Steven J. Cranman Professional Public Service Award, and the L. Russell Norton Service Award went to Patrick Morris, president of Hands on Miami.

But the memory of that first affair and the feeling of not belonging are never far away at events like this. I remember how close I came to giving up, and how that first affair was nearly the last.

I didn’t give up, had lunch with Donna Masson, then the chamber president, and explained my frustrations. She recommended that I join a couple of committees. I started meeting people, and things got better after that. So, what are the lessons?

First, it is so important for organizations to have effective ambassador and/or mentor programs to make sure new members feel comfortable and welcome. As we get integrated into organization over time, we take for granted that we will be surrounded by friends at every meeting. We forget how lonely and isolated we felt when we were new.

I was talking Saturday night to Cori Fernandez of We’re Having a Party, which catered our recent Business Skills Workshop series at the Chamber South office. This was her first gala, but because she attended the workshops she knew me and some others in the room, so she was not a stranger.

Second, networking requires patience. Attend meetings, volunteer for committees and generally make yourself available and useful, and you will begin to grow a cadre of friends and feel like part of the team. You need to become a familiar face.

Third, although you may be a stranger and feel left out, keep in mind that everyone in the room once felt like that. Although it may be uncomfortable, remember that everyone in the room is there to do business – same as you – and you might be their next great customer.

You would never walk into a restaurant and sit down at a table of strangers saying, “Hi! I’m Joe!” But it’s OK to do that at a networking event. If you intrude into a group and introduce yourself, no one will be upset. At a networking event, everyone wants to meet you.