The Healed Becomes the Healer:

My Story of Healing & Spiritual Awakening

 

Hi. My name is Nani Solares, and I am many things and nothing, all at the same Bme. I didn’t always view myself this way. In fact, it has taken 21 years to get here. It is years of emoBonal healing and spiritual seeking that have brought me to this paradoxical reality.

In February 2002, I came to a dramaBc crossroads in my life. In reality, it wasn’t much of a crossroads since that word denotes a sense of compeBng paths. For me, that moment was one in which I saw no path forward, no light at the end of the tunnel. It was on this day in February of 2002 that I found myself at the most hopeless point in my enBre life’s journey and praying for death.

About a year and three months prior, I had experienced a major blow. My fiancé and boyfriend of seven years decided to leave me for someone else four days before our wedding day. I should menBon that I wasn’t exactly the picture of mental and emoBonal health prior to the break-up. Quite the opposite, actually.

Back in the day, I would have categorized myself proudly as a party animal. Of course, I saw nothing wrong with it at the Bme. It was more like a rite of passage, youth living life to the fullest, if you will. In addiBon, I suffered from a slew of mental and emoBonal problems including, but not limited to, horrifically low self-worth, addicBons and substance abuse, and massive codependency issues (though I had no idea that codependency even existed).

In Dave’s defense  — that was my fiancé’s name  — we were toxic together and the only reason I stayed in that relaBonship for so long was because of my codependency issues. I didn’t believe anyone else would ever love me; that’s how bad my self-worth issues were. So, I hung onto him like white on rice. He was my security blanket. Hardly the love of my life.

Dave leW me in November of 2000, and in February 2002 I had my famous “nervous breakdown.” That’s what I call the breaking point in my life, which turned out to be the most important day of my life. Were it not for the almost imperceivable gap between the moment of u[er hopelessness and darkness and infinite hope and light, I may not have made it out that day.

In a Bmeframe of about twenty minutes, I went from having one of the most horrible days of my life, to falling on my knees in despair and praying for God to kill me, to experiencing a supernatural encounter with God that forever changed my life.

Earlier that day I could not have told you any of that was going to happen. I just woke up with a hangover. The day took a sharp turn for the worst, however, ending very badly. Driving home from work that evening I felt u[er hopelessness. This led me to ask God, out loud, to please remove me from the planet if he didn’t have anything be[er in store for me. Suddenly, I felt as if the small thread that was holding everything together broke, and I knew I couldn’t keep it together for even one more second. This was such a scary thought, and it caused me to spiral even further, leading to my nervous breakdown.

I think the caveat in my prayer about “having something be[er for me” reflected the Bny glimmer of hope in me, a minuscule part of me that sBll wanted to live, that believed that things could get be[er. I believe that may have saved me that day, not from death necessarily but from despair and further pain and decline. For, only a few minutes later I found myself in fetal posiBon on my living room floor, asking the Divine for help, strength, and guidance. Low and behold, help came in the form of an undeniable encounter with God. And the rest, as they say, is history.

In my moment with God, I received a renewed sense of inner peace and strength to move forward, along with guidance regarding my next steps. As per God’s message, Twelve Step Recovery was step one for me. I had no idea I had substance abuse issues; I just liked to have fun.

So, you can imagine my surprise at the direcBve I received. Nevertheless, I hightailed it to an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeBng the next day, where I started my powerful journey of healing and personal growth.

I a[ended AA for 6 years, along with other 12-Step groups, where I not only got clean and sober, but I learned so much about spirituality and wisdom for life. I parBcularly learned about the pervasive nature of codependency issues in my life. Every step of my healing led me deeper and deeper into my journey of healing codependency, which allowed to me to find my true self and inner strength.

In addiBon, just prior to the Bme I started AA, I had begun my undergraduate work in Psychology. This allowed me to see that there were things already happening behind the scenes on my behalf leading up to my nervous breakdown. These set the stage for my spiritual and emoBonal awakening that fateful day in February. My life changed in every possible way. So much so that my life prior to that February looked like it was a completely different person living a completely different life. In addiBon to my radical healing journey that progressed from that Bme on, I went on to graduate with my Master of Science Degree in Psychology in 2005 and have been working as a psychotherapist ever since. Thus, the healed becomes the healer.

What was interesBng was that, since I had nothing going for me prior to my awakening, I staunchly defined myself as a party girl, and did it expertly, I might add. But when I woke up and started my healing journey, I immediately felt like I was home. It was not the party life that was authenBc to me; it was the journey of spiritual and personal growth that was my true life’s path and conBnues to be to this day. Partying was simply what I did because I was in pain and constantly needed escape.

For me, codependency healing is paramount to self-realizaBon. I have wri[en my own theory of healing codependency, which I currently teach in my psychotherapy pracBce and YouTube videos. I have also wri[en a book, which I am sBll ediBng. My working definiBon of codependency is as follows:

Excerpt from Chapter One of my book, Healing Codependency: A Spiritual Journey to Your Higher Self.

“Codependency is a pa9ern of dysfunc;onal and maladap;ve behaviors that affect people at various levels: 1) Our rela;onship with ourselves, which affects our (a) self-iden;ty and (b) our self-esteem; 2) Our rela;onships with others; and 3) Our ability to self-actualize, i.e., to reach our fullest poten;al in life; to a9ain to our personal growth, goals, and ambi;ons…

This is the working defini;on I came up with aOer extensive thought about how best to describe the construct of codependency as I have come to know it.”

In my theory, codependency issues are caused by an inner and spiritual disconnect from our higher self, which is our inner spiritual, energeBc, and eternal self. Our higher self is our chi, the life force living within us. When we are cut off from it, we are cut off from vital healing and lifegiving energy, leading to emoBonal and physical illnesses. Furthermore, we are cut off from our soul, which is another word for spirit or higher self, and thus we lack true guidance, wisdom, and informaBon regarding our true purpose. As a result, most people are walking around feeling empty, unhappy, and purposeless. See diagram below, as depicted in my book.

In this diagram, I depict the different parts of the human being from outermost and most superficial, to innermost and deepest: The Body [the physiological organism, bodily systems and funcBons, and human nervous system (including the brain)], Psyche and Personality [what consBtutes the individual’s current percepBons and interpretaBons of self and reality, the personality of the individual as they currently know it, and the individual’s mental and emoBonal experiences (including the mind)], and Soul/Spirit/Higher Self (the energeBc and spiritual idenBty of the individual and the personal experience of that energeBc and spiritual self in our day-to-day life).

 

Codependency issues show up in all areas of our lives and relaBonships. This is caused by the disconnect between the human personality and psyche and the individual’s soul, their eternal self. I call this in my theory, the chasm of self. This further creates “the codependency trap,” which is an incessant quest for idenBty, happiness, esteem, and security outside ourselves. In my theory this is called, living from the outside-in. Thus, we become hopelessly dependent on people and the world around us to constantly validate our worth and idenBty and to make us feel okay. This just gets people more and more lost, as they conBnue the fuBle a[empt of finding themselves from the outside-in.

In my theory, we can only truly find self, idenBty, esteem, approval, happiness, and security from the inside, which we begin to do as we start living from the inside-out (learning to have a deep and inBmate relaBonship with ourselves and our inner God connecBon). As we do, we heal our self-esteem, and over Bme our personality. In addiBon, we find our true, unique path and purpose for life. As a result, we begin gradually to lose the compulsive dependence on the external world, leading to greater and greater levels of emoBonal healing and freedom.

Thus, from my perspecBve life itself is a spiritual journey (NOT A RELIGIOUS ONE), that begins with the awakening of our soul. Our codependency issues are signs that our soul remains unawakened and is affecBng our human life in drasBc and dire ways. If you don’t believe me, just look around. How many people do you know that are truly happy and fulfilled? Sadly, there aren’t many. But those who make up the small ranks, relaBvely speaking, of the spiritually awakened, can a[est to the limitless peace, happiness, joy, and meaning that can be found through the inner journey of the soul.

You see, ulBmately my story is not the story of an addict, or an emoBonally ill person, or even a broken person, though I could have easily been labeled those things in my past. My story is one of a human cut off from her soul, grasping at straws from the outside to try to assuage the pain and angst that was her daily reality. UnBl one day, when she could not take one step further, and the façade of control and fun came crashing down. At that point, she took the help that was being offered and consented to a new way of life. And behold, a new path appeared.

Today, as I conBnue to live a completely sober life (by choice now), and have been healed of all my emoBonal wounds, have recovered from all depression and anxiety, and work each day to shine light in the world, these are the principles that make up my life:

I am here:

  • To fulfill my soul’s desBny. I am led, guided, and shown the way from moment to moment through a spiritual journey of life.
  • To share my life’s message with the world via any and every way made available to me. 3) To bring light to the world — because it is why I am here — expecBng nothing in return.
  • To live in constant, conscious contact with God through my inner God-self connecBon, and through a life of prayer and meditaBon.
  • To master ego in all its forms:
    • addicBons/compulsions
    • codependency
    • mental obsessions, as evidenced by…
    • programs, templates, and scripts my brain has created to feel okay or give my life meaning (these create a pseudo reality and rob me of the only reality that exists – what is, each moment)
    • a[achments (those things ego clings to for idenBty and happiness) 6) To live each moment, fully embracing what is at all Bmes.
  • To fully share the moment with the soul’s God brings into my life, without having expectaBons or trying to force or control people or circumstances.
  • To surrender self will completely each moment, knowing that God’s will for my life is be[er and more glorious than anything I could have dreamt up in my limited human mind.

As you read my story, you will understand now why I say I am many things and nothing at the same Bme. My human life consists of many powerful and beauBful roles and experiences: therapist, spiritual seeker, teacher, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, niece, etc., but none of these make up my true idenBty. For my idenBty is spiritual. It is not the physical world that defines me, but the nonphysical. For this reason, I am nothing — no thing.

To you, it may not make much sense yet. But to me, it is the only thing that makes sense. UlBmately, the world of the physical, our experiences of pain and suffering, and the seeking for more out of life, lead us to discover the profundity and fulfillment that can be found in what we cannot see, hear, or touch. But that is a journey that requires faith. But then, doesn’t every moment of this thing called life require some level of faith?

NANI SOLARES
786-803-7922

My primary focus in life is my spiritual journey, which directs my choices and work as an author, psychotherapist, and inspirational speaker. I’m passionate about personal and spiritual growth and have firsthand experience with the mental and emotional issues that affect people. I believe in the inherent power within each human being and the importance of mastering our minds, as our thoughts create our reality. My counseling work and teachings are centered around helping people discover their true identity and reach their innate potential. I believe that the journey of life is to love, learn, and self-actualize, and it brings me great joy to help others heal and grow.